Psychology plays a crucial role in getting to know each other. Within a few seconds we form an opinion when we meet new people. But this opinion can be influenced.

What two factors determine whether someone likes us or not?

This question has occupied Amy Cuddy for a long time. The Harvard Business School professor has been researching the first impression we have of a person for more than 15 years. Together with her colleagues, the psychologists Peter Glick and Susan Fiske, she has now come to a conclusion.

Why is that?

Within a few seconds, social behavior, i.e. your own warmth and competence, is evaluated. If the other person comes to the conclusion that you have both, you get along very well. You like each other, both professionally and privately.

Professor and author Cuddy has also noticed that people believe that competence is more important, especially at work. This is how most applicants want to prove that they are talented, qualified and smart enough to fill a position and work with the other person. But in fact, social behavior, i.e. your own warmth, is much more decisive when it comes to assessing a person.

What is going on inside us?

Cuddy sees the reasons for this behavior as evolutionary. In the past, knowing who to trust was essential to survival. After all, not all cavemen had good intentions, some wanted to keep possessions or even kill other people. Being able to assess these people well socially was therefore much more important than the technical competence to be able to stoke a good fire.

Competence is valued much more nowadays, but it is still only relevant when there is already a basis of trust. You shouldn’t concentrate too much on your own know-how when you first get to know each other or in a job interview.

Impact on working life

Career starters in particular who have just graduated naturally want to appear professional and smart. These people never ask for help, turn down invitations to events, and seem aloof. No trust can develop on this basis, so that many do not get the job they want after an internship because the other person does not really know them and has not built-up trust.

You can’t influence someone who doesn’t trust you. Only a trustworthy and warm person who is competent and strong at the same time will be admired. By the way, without the basis of trust, strength becomes a threat, which is why trust must always be formed first.